So many things to blog about. So many things have happen lately. Good and bad of course. But the one thing dwelling in me to blog now, is definitely Michael Jackson death. It's really strange how my body works, or should i say my mind and heart works. Dad called me on the morning of MJ's death, sharing the piece of sad news I was at shock at first and then as dad was going on, all i said was "this is what you get with so much bleaching",till now, i'm still trying to recall what made me said that. But i could tell that dad wasn't very happy, and i had to made it worse with my response.
Well, i then went back to bed. When i woke up, i remembered receiving text from people talking about MJ's death. There, obviously was rumored, that he killed himself, people killed him, blah blah, really typical stories. Maybe i was so concerned over Sophia's Party that i didn't paid any attention to his death. All i know was that that evening, i was at Chijmes, planning the party with the club manager. But i remembered something that strucked my heart the moment i saw this scene.. i went inside the club to sneak a peak at the sitting tables, and i saw screens of MJ. His song videos were on. And people were dancing. That was the last my heart had a feeling and my mind reminding me of his death.
Days went pass, i grew busier. Had to come up with excuse for my delay in my exam, which i went to see a doctor for an MC, and then shopping for the essential stuff for party. Making sure that nothing was screwed. And of cause dealing with Birthday girl's stress. You know when a girl is going to get married, she usually gets scared, tries to think of escaping and has all those negative thoughts. WELLLL, Birthday People get that too, and i'm speaking from experience. HAHAHA!I hope dearest BGFF isn't going to chop me off for saying this... but yesh, dear her had her symtons and suddenly cancel the party. But all went smooth, after both Haizzel and my persuasion's. SO, party went on as per normal. All of us had fun and also learnt vulnerable lesson, which i think we shall all just keep the lesson to our self.
And then came the Sunday which i got reminded of MJ's death. Since then till now, i have the heartache. And of course, the guilt, how can i, someone who loved his song, be so carefree about his death until his memorial then remember that i was suppose to grieve. Why was my heart so FAKE!?
I'm still trying to find answers to that, of course as human, i find reasons to believe that i was busy preparing and my schedule was so tight that i couldn't remember to grieve. But after all, deep inside me i know it's bull shit. And for that i know that i can't say out loud that MJ's death have saddened me. If i was really talking about someone i know feeling sad, that would be my dear Father. He really showed signs of grieve. A person like him, who only thinks about work and work, and came back home on the day MJ died to stay side by side to the Tv to catch updates.. that is signs of grieving. And of course, on that same morning after knowing the news he went down to Mustafa, the only music place which was open at that time to check if there was any record not bought before. Speaking of Record, i can tell you that although i may not have gone for any MJ's concert, nor got his tickets to his memorial service, i can proudly say, i have followed him and supported him from the day Jackson 5 was created. Grandpa use to follow, dad use to follow and now US. So, if you were to talk about supporting, i would say, MY FAMILY DID!
Like i mention on facebook a while ago,that i have watch Michael's memorial service 5 times and have teared all 5 times.. or maybe a slight lie, cause when i watch it LIVE on E last night alone, i was crying bitterly. Everytime there was a speech or when Usher, Maria Carey, Stevie Wonder was signing, i went emotional! I SWEAR. I can say i'm a person who keeps my emotion very steady, cause since young, dad have always said that when you release too much of emotion, people can read you, and that it will always be at your disadvantage,so since young we were trained to hide your emotion, so prolly yesterday's was my chance of NOT hiding as no one was there. But when we were watching it today as a family, all of us, were silent. Obviously, i teared silently, Mel watched and then he went for a break (bet he teared), and there was dad, sitting so still and the moment Patric came back, he said " Make sure you keep your voice down or i will make you"! Scary huh? That is how serious he was watching the memorial.
Well, i know this whole MJ's post is getting length, and my battery is dying and just so nice that my charger isn't with me, which leads me to switch it off here.. BUT I PROMISE TO CONTINUE TOMORROW! There's so much to share, and this is just the start.
With this, i shall end, not end the post, but end for now....